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  “Rebecca is not here. What happened?” Callie cast a rueful glance at the word document she’d just opened a few minutes ago. Figures that after she’d written one paragraph, she’d get a call like this. “Dina is okay, right?”

  “Yeah.” Susan sighed. “This is…I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you.” There were hushed voices while she obviously conferred with David. “Okay. You know I’m friends with Dina on Facebook.”

  Of course you are.

  “I’m sure she didn’t mean for me to see, but I found out she sent a picture of hers to that boy.”

  “Tomaso. Okay. What about him?”

  “A picture in her underwear.” Susan sounded like she’d just turned beet red. Callie needed a moment to collect herself too.

  “All right. I see the problem.” Callie could also see why this required Rebecca. She seemed the best bet to take necessary action and keep cool.

  “Wow. I mean, I’m going to call her right now. Dina’s still coming on the weekend, right?”

  Susan gave a nervous laugh. “I think so. David is a little mad at the moment, considering grounding with no internet access. At the moment I’m just trying not to get caught in between…oh well. I don’t mean to bother you with this.”

  “It’s fine. I understand.”

  The two of them shared a moment of companionable silence.

  “I’ll get off the phone now and try to find Rebecca. We’ll talk to Dina on the weekend. Rebecca will call her later.”

  “Thank you, Callie.”

  After hanging up, Callie took a deep breath. Calm down. If that was all the teenage rebellion Dina would come up with, it could be much worse.

  * * * *

  Rebecca was fairly surprised that when she stepped out on the sidewalk, she nearly slipped. It was the ice, she reasoned. For a restaurant in that price category, she’d expect a better sidewalk cleaning. What if somebody actually broke a leg?

  She remembered one occasion when she had, innocently, asked Callie if being out and open about the life you led was worth being judged. At that time, Rebecca had judged her too. She had done so without meaning to, but that didn’t make it any better. Rebecca could ask herself the same question now. Ever since the moment she had chosen to be honest, she’d been screamed at, ridiculed, and challenged by people who were supposed to be her friends. Betty thought she was doing Rebecca a favor by thinking she would not burn in hell.

  With everything that she’d put on the line, Nicole still had the gall to question her motives. Sure, she could just tell herself it was just Nicole being the mean person she was.

  Once upon a time, Rebecca had felt secure in what she’d thought defined her identity. Wife, mother. Even lately, she’d hesitantly added different terms and thought she’d be okay with that. Obviously, according to the people around her, she didn’t live up to anybody’s expectations anymore. Not “lesbian enough.”

  She had to giggle to herself. It would have been funny if it wasn’t wearing on her nerves this much. She had to see Bev and tell her about this unpleasant encounter with Callie’s ex, if only to try and get the money back she just paid for Nicole’s whiskey.

  There she’d been so worried about New York, but it was in her hometown where the challenges never ended. I really need another drink. Before that, she checked her cell phone, though, seeing she’d missed a call from Callie.

  Rebecca called the number, frowning as a gust of wind hit her. She’d better go somewhere warm. Just for a few minutes. It couldn’t be about Nicole, because she’d just seen her, and anyway, these days, everything was an emergency. The world would go on without her for another hour.

  “Hey. Cal,” she said. She and Callie didn’t really have nicknames for each other. Asha had called her that though. “What’s the matter?”

  “Rebecca?”

  “Yeah, who else would it be from this number?” For some reason, this struck Rebecca as funny.

  “Never mind. Can you come home? Your parental skills have been asked for.”

  “Did something happen?” The alarm went straight through the warm cocoon of alcohol.

  “Well, you could say that. Dina sent Tomaso a half-naked picture of herself.”

  “Not funny, Callie. Not funny at all.”

  “It’s true! All communication has been halted, but David and Susan wanted you to talk to her.”

  “Why am I not surprised?”

  “I said you’d call. Are you all right?” Callie asked after a pause. “I mean, I know this isn’t great, but we’ll handle it. We’re going to be okay.”

  “Do I make you happy?”

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “I did, but…Come on, this is not the time. Where are you? Do you want me to get you?”

  Rebecca pressed her hand against her forehead, realizing she’d forgotten to put on gloves. She couldn’t understand herself. Normally, she’d be on her way, already trying to figure out what to say. This was basically what she had feared from the moment Dina got her own email address—that she could be making herself vulnerable like this.

  “Did she at least send it in a private message or put it up there for everyone to see?”

  “I don’t know! I think she just sent it to him, which is not good either. Where are you?”

  “Max’s Pub…I think I want to step inside for a moment. It’s cold out here.”

  “You do that. I’ll get you.”

  “Thank you. You know I want you to be happy, right? It’s not an experiment. It never was. I’ll do whatever—”

  “I know. Let me come get you.”

  “That would be nice,” Rebecca whispered. She was really cold by now, and she had an idea what would help to warm her up. She’d call Dina once she’d be sober and calm enough to deal with the situation. For once, she needed David to step up.

  * * * *

  Callie found Rebecca huddled in a booth by the window, at the far end of the pub. It had taken her maybe twenty minutes from ending the call to get there, from the looks of it, enough time for Rebecca to get wasted. Never mind. She hadn’t been that sober when they spoke on the phone before.

  “What are you doing?” she asked somewhere in between irritation and affection. Callie assumed Rebecca hadn’t made that call yet to solve the Dina situation. At least, she hoped that.

  Rebecca looked at her like she needed a moment to come up with an answer.

  “You can get foolishly drunk when you’re scared. So can I. Of course it takes you a lot less to get there.”

  “Why are you scared?” Callie asked softly, waving away the waitress who had appeared in hope of another order.

  Rebecca studied her once more. Affection might have drowned out everything else if they had all the time in the world. As it was, Susan and David were waiting. Callie had the dire suspicion that someone might blame her for this.

  “Do you ever miss something? I mean, do you like what we do?” Rebecca leaned forward to whisper, “In bed?”

  Callie felt her jaw drop. Even though no one could here them over the music and voices, she still blushed.

  “Okay. Wow. Sure I do, but I really don’t want to discuss that here and now. Why don’t you let me get that check and we go home?”

  “I’m serious,” Rebecca insisted, holding her back by her hands. “I don’t believe what Nicole said, because she’s a total screw up, but—”

  “Oh no. Don’t tell me she’s still in town.”

  “Owes me ten bucks too,” Rebecca murmured. “God, I can’t even have a drink in peace without all hell breaking loose. She’s right. I have no idea who I am anymore, and in any case, it’s not enough for anyone.”

  “That’s not true.” Callie took a moment to curse Nicole for everything she had ever messed up. “Let’s go home,” she tried again. “You’ll talk to Dina, and then we’ll take it easy for the rest of the day.”

  “I’m sick of taking it easy. I’ve been at everyone’s beck and call for twenty years now.
No wonder no one takes me seriously.”

  “I do. I’m sure David and Susan do too.” Which is why I really need you to sober up sometime soon. “What do you want, Rebecca?”

  Rebecca shook her head. “It’s not about what I want. It never is. I’m sorry,” she said a second later. “I didn’t mean—”

  “I know.”

  Callie flashed a grateful smile to the waitress and laid a few bills on the table. “Let’s go now.”

  Rebecca let herself be led to the car and buckled in. She looked like she was lost in thought. Callie soon learned what these thoughts were though.

  “Do you think other women find me attractive?”

  “That’s for sure, but I’d rather not have you test the theory.”

  Rebecca gave her a lopsided smile. “I had no idea. Betty is now scared that I’ve been checking her out for years—and I had no idea. Stupid. So stupid.”

  Callie leaned back against her seat, realizing she might be in for a few more moments like this in the months and maybe years to come. It wasn’t like she had been completely unaware. With two children to be considered, they had to do some careful planning of the future.

  Callie felt inadequate to give the advice that Rebecca longed for. She never once questioned this particular aspect of her identity and she didn’t know how to help someone who did. “It happens. It’s not stupid at all.” She hoped it would be enough to reassure, and sent some more unfriendly thoughts in Nicole’s direction.

  “Did you ever want to run away? Join the circus?”

  All right. She wasn’t sure she followed Rebecca’s train of thought, but for now she’d just go with the flow.

  “I dreamed of the weirdest things when I was a kid. It all gets lost along the way, student loans, bills. Diapers.” The face she made at the memory had Callie smile. They would be all right in the end. They just had to make it through these phases.

  “Don’t get me wrong. I love my girls, but I’m not kidding myself. At some point, they’re not gonna need me anymore, and what will I have left to show for, what I did with my life?”

  “I think Dina needs you now.” Callie thought it was better to focus clearly on the present rather than try and answer these heavy questions. If Rebecca was going through some mood swings these days, the alcohol certainly didn’t help.

  “She needs the smart woman that is her mom to tell her that you have to keep boundaries. She’ll listen to you, because you know a whole lot more about that internet stuff than David or Susan do.”

  “I can’t talk to her now. I don’t know what to tell her. I’ve run out of mommy-of-the-year ideas.” The mere idea of not knowing what to say seemed to terrify her.

  “Maybe she just wants to talk to someone, get an idea of how to deal with being in love.”

  “Yeah. I can see how I can be helpful there.”

  Callie decided it was better to delay the conversation for a while as she clearly couldn’t come up with the right thing to make Rebecca feel better. She’d offer to talk to Dina, but neither Dina nor David would be too fond of that idea.

  She watched Rebecca closely as they walked up the stairs to the front porch, as she was a little unsteady on her feet, then unlocked the door. Callie unbuttoned her coat and helped untangle the scarf. She made Rebecca sit down in the living room, gave her a quick tender kiss, and then put the phone in her hands.

  “I’m sure she just needs to hear your voice now.”

  Rebecca didn’t protest, but she didn’t look too happy as she dialed, either.

  * * * *

  “Mom? Thank God you called! You must tell Dad right now that he’s totally overreacting. Tomaso’s gonna think I’m sick or something, or that I don’t like him anymore.” From the sound of her voice, she was horrified by the prospect.

  Rebecca could feel the headache starting to develop behind her temples. The onslaught of words would have made her smile under better circumstances. Now, she just wished she could offer her daughter a magic solution. There was none, of course.

  “Start at the beginning. You sent him a picture in your underwear?”

  She made an effort not to slur her words. Revealing that she was effectively drunk would not help the authority she was hoping to convey.

  Dina groaned. “He asked for a picture, since I don’t have a webcam, and I just happened to wear boxers and a tank top. How is that dangerous?”

  “You like this boy very much, right?”

  “I knew you’d understand me,” Dina said triumphantly.

  “Wait a second. What I meant…Try to understand Dad a little bit. We don’t know this guy. How old is he anyway?”

  “Sixteen.” That sounded quite a bit defiant. “We’re not having sex yet. Not even cyber if that’s what you were worried about.”

  Rebecca wasn’t sure whether she should be grateful—or what to feel at all. Lately, Dina tended to choose the greatest drama possible with the parent who was near, and brutal honesty with the other. She didn’t want any of those images Dina was putting into her head.

  “I think you’re very smart and able to figure out a lot of things by yourself, but please, just be a little more careful. Remember what I said before, you can always come to me, or Dad.”

  “Right. Dad thinks I’m putting porn on the internet, and no offense, Mom, but I don’t like girls. That way.”

  “None taken,” Rebecca said dryly. “We’ll talk about this some more on the weekend.”

  “Can I go online at your place?”

  “We’ll see about that.”

  “Mom?”

  “Yes, Dina?”

  “I really like him, you know. Dad doesn’t understand. He thinks I’m a little girl. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Me too,” Rebecca whispered, deeply sad and mortified about her glitch of reason. She should be more available to the girls. Instead she’d been getting drunk, because Callie’s ex didn’t like her, and complained about not having joined the circus. What had happened to her?

  After they’d hung up, she went to the kitchen where Callie had busied herself making dinner. She didn’t ask for an explanation. Rebecca wasn’t sure she could have given one.

  “Thank you,” she said anyway. “I don’t know what happened. It’s just that she—”

  “No worries.” Callie turned from where she was standing at the stove, smiling wistfully. “Nicole has that effect, messing with people. How did it go with Dina?”

  Rebecca shrugged helplessly. “Okay, I think. Looks like I’m going to be the favorite parent until David lets her go on the internet again.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short. Dina loves both of you. She’s testing her boundaries. I’m sure you remember what that felt like.”

  “You’re giving me too much credit.” In fact, it wasn’t so much a matter of age. Rebecca just didn’t have that much to rebel against at the age of fifteen.

  “Not nearly enough,” Callie disagreed. “Not many people can handle a crisis while slightly inebriated.” She was testing the waters with the affectionate teasing. Rebecca couldn’t help but smile.

  “Please, don’t remind me. There was something about the circus.”

  “Yeah, you surprised me there.”

  They both laughed, then Callie put the spoon aside and stepped closer to embrace her.

  “No matter what Nicole says, I am happy with you. I promise you.”

  Rebecca blushed, remembering some of the things she’d said at Max’s Pub. Callie smiled gently. Probably, she was remembering them too.

  “Don’t worry. You make me very happy. In every sense of the word.”

  “Thank you.” It was all the answer she needed. For now.

  Chapter Six

  After collecting Dina, they went straight to the mall just outside of Autumn Leaves, because Rebecca had wanted to buy shoes for Maggie and run a few errands for the weekend, possibly have lunch there too. Callie was all for the idea to get out for a bit and both the girls seemed to enjoy the trip.

&nb
sp; A pair of shoes turned into a full outfit, a new coat for Dina, and the few errands had all of a sudden become two full grocery bags. Callie offered to bring them to the car while Rebecca got in line for their lunch. She sent Callie an apologetic smile as Dina had disappeared into the cosmetics section of a pharmacy while Maggie was holding on to her new boots.

  “It’s okay,” Callie assured her. “I’ll be fine.” She made it out of the busy mall, but reaching for her car keys turned into a juggle that had her curse.

  “You need help with that?”

  Callie set the bags down on the hood of the car, getting her keys out of her jacket. She bit back the answer that was on the tip of her tongue, not wanting to talk to her at all. In the past, that had seemed to encourage Nicole too much. Why was she even here?

  She wondered if the man who was just getting out of his car in the spot behind her would call the police if she asked him to.

  “You’re not even talking to me anymore?”

  Callie finally spun around. “Just stop it, Nicole. Stop following me around and bothering me and Rebecca.”

  “What will it take for you to stop hating me?”

  “I don’t hate you, Nicole. I just don’t care for you that much anymore.”

  “Well, I’m sorry, Callie, I do.”

  She leaned forward, took Callie’s face in both hands and kissed her. For a moment too long, Callie was too much caught off guard to react in any way, then she pushed Nicole away.

  “Are you crazy? No, don’t answer that question. I can do it just—”

  “Mom said you might need help with the bags.”

  Callie spun around to see Dina who had somehow materialized out of nowhere. She gave both Callie and Nicole a reproachful look.

  Nicole smiled. “That’s fine, honey, not really, but I’ll leave you two to it now. Bye.”

  Callie turned to Dina, bracing herself.

  “I don’t know what you saw, but this is really not what you think it is.”

  “Are you sleeping with her?” Dina asked.

  “Of course not! She is—”

  “Fuck! This is not happening!” Behind her anger, Dina was on the verge of tears. Callie couldn’t blame her for either of those emotions when they were so close to her own.