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  “Ethical?” She wasn’t sure how genuine his surprise was. “Mrs. Lowman, this is not about how you live your life. It’s about giving people the opportunity to change when they are ready.”

  “The kind of therapy you noted, it’s not scientific.”

  “It actually is based on scientific paradigms, like behavioral therapy. Then again, you know that science and the Bible don’t always agree.”

  “True, but correct me if I’m wrong. The Bible doesn’t say anything about correctional therapy for gay people. In fact—”

  “Please. Mrs. Lowman,” he interrupted her, his tone still friendly. “Whether you want to work for me or not is one thing. If you want to talk about the Bible, or anything regarding your situation, you’re certainly welcome. I just don’t think we should do this over the phone.”

  Yeah, and you just pissed off your counselor. How are we going to do this?

  “Do you want to continue the work on the website?”

  “Do you insist on referring to this kind of services? Then I guess I don’t want to.”

  “Fair enough. You know you’re always welcome to come here if you need to talk.”

  “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Rebecca hung up the phone, realizing that for now, she was unemployed. Being right wasn’t always easy. However, if there had been a way to reverse what she was feeling, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t want to. It was something to hold on to.

  * * * *

  All awkward calls done. No contract anymore, but I’m always welcome to talk about it. Went to shop for some groceries. Could you heat the soup for lunch? Maggie’s home early today. Love, Rebecca

  Judging from the tire tracks in front of the house, they had to have missed each other by minutes. As frustrating as that was, Callie was glad that Rebecca had succeeded. It seemed like they were all moving on from their respective troubles.

  She stepped outside again to clean some snow off the porch. Across the street, Delia Waters waved. Callie had to smile when she remembered all the times she’d been watching the front door of the other house. She, for one, was happy that the time of secrecy was over. Delia motioned her over.

  “Hi!” she said with a brilliant smile. “How are you?”

  “Great. How about you? You must be almost all moved in?”

  Delia rolled her eyes. “That’s what I thought, but it’s taking a lot longer than I’d planned. It’s not the house—it’s great. We love it. It’s just that it’s such a hassle to get all the stuff here!”

  “I can imagine,” Callie said. “I came here from New York.” Of course, she had a few well-organized friends, and her brother.

  “That’s…impressive.” She could read the curiosity in the woman’s face. Callie had no intention to give her details.

  “Look,” Delia continued, “I have cooked for a medium-sized army, and a few friends cancelled on me. Would you like to come over for lunch?”

  “I don’t know…I’m just waiting for Maggie to come home. Rebecca should be here any minute, too.”

  “They’re all welcome, of course. Don’t be afraid. I won’t make you unpack boxes in return. I’d just hate to throw it all away.”

  “In that case I’m in,” Callie agreed. It could never harm to make new friends in Autumn Leaves, especially under the current circumstances. If the new mayor who was soon to be elected teamed up with Reynolds, it would truly be an unholy alliance. The more prepared they were, the better.

  * * * *

  After she’d packed the groceries in the trunk, Rebecca sat in her car, the phone call with Father Reynolds still troubling her. There could be too many implications, for her everyday and work life. She picked up her cell phone, staring at the screen thoughtfully. She longed to call her mother, even though she wasn’t sure what would be achieved there. Rebecca wished for advice, somebody to tell her what the hell to do about Dina, and how to handle her own fears about the girls growing up. She longed for someone to say that they’d love her no matter what she had done, that it would be okay in the end. She was probably addressing the wrong people here, but she’d try anyway.

  “Rebecca, is there something wrong?” Nothing and everything, Rebecca wanted to say. She hadn’t kept her parents up-to-date lately.

  “No. Just wanted to check in with you. You and Dad are doing okay?”

  “Of course. You sound strange. Is this about the kids?”

  “No. I’m sorry.” She had asked Dina and Maggie not to tell the reason yet why she and David had separated. What Rebecca hoped to accomplish, she wasn’t sure yet. However, she somehow had set her mind on finding the right moment. Maybe it could be today, now, because there was definitely no going back. “David and I have finalized the divorce,” she said.

  “What?” That drew a stunned reaction from her distant mother. “I thought you were just taking a break. Why go that far? Did he cheat on you?”

  “He didn’t. It’s just that…” Rebecca felt exhausted from the small exchange. “We’re selling the house. I…” Her heart was beating uncomfortably fast, and she realized she couldn’t do it. In fact, she had no idea what her parents’ stance was. Same-sex relationships weren’t something that was discussed when she was growing up. She had moved out at seventeen to go to college, visited over the holidays, met David when she was nineteen. She didn’t depend on their approval. Rebecca wanted it nonetheless.

  “You’re sure that’s the right thing to do?” Her mother sighed. “It’s not good for the girls. You should reconsider, whatever it is. It’s just not a good example, running at the first sight of trouble.”

  “Mom! We’ve been married for sixteen years. That’s hardly the first sign of trouble.”

  “Well, Becca, you called me. That’s all I can tell you. David’s a good man. I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  “You could come visit some time.” That was all the courage she could muster, but clearly, it was not enough.

  “Maybe this summer. There’ll be a lot of work around the house and garden, you know.”

  “Yeah. I guess.”

  “I’ve got another call here. I need to go. Give the girls a hug from us.”

  “Will do,” Rebecca said, but the connection had already been broken. The call had done nothing to alleviate her worries, let alone make her feel better. Most of all, she was still keeping secrets that could come out anytime Dina or Maggie slipped. With a sigh, she looked over to the closed door of Callie’s office.

  Did that mean she was betraying her, too? Her parents had never cared so much about meeting her family, so why would anything be different now?

  Rebecca didn’t have to take the way past the church to get home. In fact it was a detour, but something inevitably drew her there. Her head was buzzing. She had no idea how to clear it, except the peace and quiet within those stone walls always given her a sense of security.

  Sixteen years. I hope you know what you’re doing.

  It wasn’t like she had such a bad life, on the contrary. She got to share it with the person she loved, her children didn’t hate her, and she and David had come to a silent agreement. He hadn’t mentioned the awkward conversation they had, ever again. She was lucky, privileged, more than a lot of people could say for themselves. She knew that she’d be able to work again if only she made an effort, to advertise, to take Callie up on her offer to ask around.

  Still, every day seemed to bring new challenges. Rebecca didn’t know why it was so important to her to get confirmation. Her relationship with both her mother and father had been distant for as long as she could remember. She could count on one hand the occasions on which they had visited Rebecca and her family in Autumn Leaves. She’d wanted a different family life, with lots of love and laughter. David Lowman had seemed like the perfect partner for this undertaking. Even when his job had taken him on the road for long periods and she’d been alone in the house with a baby to take care of, Rebecca hadn’t felt this out of her league.

  Why can�
��t I be more grateful?

  “Mrs. Lowman. May I?”

  Rebecca shrugged, and Father Reynolds sat next to her. They stayed silent, as if to challenge each other as to who would give in first.

  “As being new here, I’m aware that I still have a lot to learn,” he said eventually.

  “I imagine.”

  “Would you allow me a curious question?”

  “It’s fine,” she said, pulling her coat tighter around herself. “You prefer to work with your usual firm, I understand.”

  “We may have started on the wrong foot here. Mrs. Lowman, I’m just trying to understand. Father Langdon spoke very highly of you. I hear you’ve been a pillar of the community. What happened?”

  “With all due respect, Father, I don’t want to discuss this. I believe in God. Maybe we just have different interpretations of what that means.”

  “We have been given one interpretation.”

  “I’ve read the Bible.”

  “If you could go back to a time where your family would still be intact and happy, wouldn’t you want that?”

  “Nobody can turn back the time,” she said, irritated.

  “God forgives, but you need to do your part, too. Nobody’s forcing you to do anything, but you should know that door is open to you. I have a new counselor coming in by the beginning of the week. If you want to see her, just drop by.”

  “Why would I want to see her?”

  “Children need both parents, mother and father. It’s what makes them strong and healthy. Not a pretend family that exposes them to ridicule. Take this,” he said, handing her a folded leaflet, “and call when you are ready. I am certain you haven’t given up on God.”

  Rebecca shook her head.

  “You’re out of line, Father.” She stood up. “Don’t you dare draw my children into this or try to tell me what’s right for them. In fact, I wonder if the mayor already knows about this agenda of yours. I don’t think he’ll be pleased.”

  “You’ll do what your conscience tells you to,” he acknowledged. “Have a good day, Mrs. Lowman.”

  Rebecca all but fled from the church, hoping that the woman in the pew three rows behind them hadn’t caught too much of their exchange.

  When she got home, her thoughts in even more disarray than before, there was a note from Callie written underneath her own, earlier one.

  We were invited for lunch by Delia. Join us once you’re home? Soup for dinner? Callie

  She’d drawn a heart underneath the words.

  Rebecca didn’t feel like neighborly small talk. In fact, she didn’t feel like seeing anybody at all. That was why she had sought the refuge of church in the first place. It didn’t seem like such a safe space anymore.

  She thought of David’s admission, and for a moment, allowed herself the thought of what things would be like if they just turned things around, trying to make them fit with what they once were to each other. It was impossible. That would be living a lie.

  Rebecca had sometimes wished she had met Callie when she was younger, but the numbers weren’t really in their favor there. She’d wished she had told David from the moment when an inkling turned into certainty. She had cheated on him. That was something she never be able to undo.

  She unpacked her groceries and put them away. Thank God for the cold weather, or all her wasting time today would have resulted in having to throw some of them away. She threw out the soup though. Wasting food always made her cringe, but she wanted to cook something special tonight. Rebecca needed something to hold on to, and defining her home was the closest she could get now.

  Maggie would be at her book club, so they’d save her some for later. At dinnertime, it would just be the two of them, Callie and Rebecca. It was time to face some issues. They’d start tentatively, then abort the dispute, too afraid of things being said that couldn’t be taken back.

  By the time she had finished preparations, Callie and Maggie still hadn’t returned yet. Rebecca read the message again, irrationally jealous. Delia Waters was married and she had two kids. That doesn’t mean a person can’t harbor curiosity and suppressed desires…

  Rebecca set the table in the dining area. She found cloth napkins and candles and then chose a CD from Callie’s rack, some unknown title that seemed appropriate, judging from the cover. Now she only had to wait.

  * * * *

  It’s been a weird day, Callie thought as she let Maggie and herself into the house. She’d lost time, first walking around aimlessly, having that unusual interaction with Nicole. What was she still doing in Autumn Leaves? Callie had no intention of changing her mind, but it seemed like Nicole had settled in for a longer time.

  Chatting with Delia had been fun. They could have done a lot worse with their neighbors. The twelve-year-old boy, Jack, seemed like a good, polite kid. He and Maggie had done their homework together. What Callie liked most about Delia was that the woman hadn’t tried to interrogate her, even though she probably had a lot of questions on her mind.

  Rebecca still hadn’t been home, so after the impromptu visit to their neighbors, Callie drove to the library. She had some research to do that she could have just as well done at home, but Maggie wanted to return some books and get new ones.

  When they finally returned for good, Maggie went to her room to get her book for the club. Callie walked into the dining room, stopping cold at the sight.

  “I hope you’ll be a little hungry,” Rebecca said with a smile.

  “I…guess.”

  Callie hadn’t been prepared to find a candlelight dinner, a fire flickering in the fireplace. Rebecca was wearing a short black dress with long sleeves, little makeup, and a new perfume.

  “Wow.” At that moment, Callie felt bad that she’d even given Nicole the time of day earlier. On the other hand, she had no idea what the occasion was. “It’s no anniversary, I’d know that. It would be bad, because I’m not dressed for it, and I didn’t get you a gift.”

  “Don’t worry. We’ve had some crazy few days,” Rebecca said. “Just to…slow down a little, you know?”

  “I’m sorry I left you with all this work, but we stayed longer than we thought.”

  “You like Delia?” There was an edge audible, just barely.

  Callie shrugged. “She’s okay.”

  “I’m sorry for my pathetic attempt at getting drunk last week. I was out of line. I’m sorry for embarrassing you.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “I embarrassed myself,” Rebecca said, not smiling anymore. “I can’t even get drunk like other people and let loose.”

  “What did you want to do, dance on the table?” Callie wasn’t sure whether she was supposed to take this seriously or not.

  “Why not? When I was in college, a friend of mine did pole dancing for a while. She was really good at it. I was jealous, because it was something I would have never dared.”

  “I must admit that makes me kind of glad. What is so great about losing your clothes in front of strangers?”

  “You’re right,” Rebecca mused. “I’d rather lose my clothes in front of you.”

  All of a sudden, it seemed hot in the room, which had nothing to do with the fireplace. Callie missed her moment to come up with an appropriate answer, because the doorbell rang, and Maggie appeared, ready to tackle an in-depth literary discussion.

  Jenny and her daughter Stella brought in a gust of cold air. Callie thought with some amusement that it was the equivalent of a cold shower, not that it would last for long.

  “Oh, you guys are planning something special. Got an anniversary?”

  “Kind of,” Rebecca said pleasantly. “Thanks for driving the girls. I believe it’s my turn next week.”

  “Yes, already.” Jenny chuckled. “They read too damn fast. I’ll have Maggie home at eight at the latest.”

  “Okay. Have fun.”

  “You too,” Maggie said innocently and followed Jenny and Stella outside. Rebecca closed the door behind them and joined Callie in the li
ving room.

  “Okay, let’s try this again.” She poured a glass of wine for each of them and handed Callie hers.

  “To the truth.”

  Callie let their glasses clink together, but she didn’t know whether to be worried or pleased. “Is everything really okay?”

  “Oh, it’s never been that okay. I’ve been thinking…and I realized I haven’t been fair to you. I let myself be torn into every which direction by everyone who thinks they’re entitled to an opinion about my life. Screw them.”

  Callie couldn’t stifle the smile. Coming from Rebecca, the use of swear words was adorable.

  “I’m sick and tired of letting everyone tell me what I want. I know that perfectly.” She set her glass aside, taking a step closer.

  “I want you. I might have made mistakes, and for sure I’ve been unaware of what you’ve been going through all your life, but I know who I am. Whatever that makes me. I’ve never wanted anyone so badly.”

  “Rebecca.” Callie let herself be pulled close, reveling in the kiss, the gentle touch of hands caressing and starting to undress her.

  “Is this okay?”

  “Anything you want.”

  “No,” Rebecca whispered. “It’s not just about me all the time.”

  Callie was neither in the mood nor the position to argue. Honestly, the concerns that Rebecca had voiced when under the influence hadn’t been on her mind in the first place. She had nothing to complain about in their shared life, but if this was a fantasy that put Rebecca’s mind at ease, she didn’t mind. The seduction scene, Rebecca making love to her in the late afternoon, she welcomed it all.

  “So that’s how you wanted to make sure I’d be hungry for dinner,” she teased, caressing Rebecca’s slightly disheveled hair.

  “No. That’s how I want to show you how much I love you, no matter what anyone says.”

  “I know. Don’t worry about that.”

  The moments ticked by, and Callie thought she could easily fall asleep like that, warm and comforted, a sweet lethargy taking over her body. She’d been scared, too, more than she’d wanted to admit to herself. It would be all right, if they were just strong enough, and so far, she had no reason to doubt that.